


Where Did It All Go Wrong?

by Girlinaband



Category: boyinaband - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Heartbreak, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 22:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17476478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girlinaband/pseuds/Girlinaband
Summary: I live in a mouldy flat, with a toddler.That's bad enough, right?God disagrees.I've also lost my true love, am addicted to weed and can't afford anything.So, I'm fucked.They want to take my baby girl away, but I won't let them.And so I need help. I've avoided it for years, but now I have to tell Dave EVERYTHING.Hop on board. Learn my story. And if you cry, you're one step closer to me.





	1. Chapter 1

"I can't do this anymore." 

Those 5 words swam through my head. They were the last words he said to me before he left. Before the dept, the addictions. Before my life fell apart.

You see, David Brown was my everything. He was my best friend, my financial advisor and my lover. He was the ribcage that protected my heart, until he broke it. He was the only thing that was mine, that could have comfort in knowing it was safe.

But that's gone.

It's not all bad. I have my baby girl, Alyssa. Alyssa Brown is my daughter, and the reason I'm still fighting. She's my oxygen mask. And they want to take her away.


	2. 2

"Mummy?" Alyssa asks, tugging on my jeans.   
"Yes hunny?" I squat down to her.  
"Can I go to nana house?" Nana was his nickname for Hannah. Hannah, surprisingly, loved Alyssa and I, and always welcomed us with open arms. She also kept our promise, we would never tell Dave about Alyssa or me.  
"Hmm. We'll have to see. Why dont you ask her? Should we call her?"  
"Uh huh. Call nana!" I laugh at her bossiness, but it's soon replaced with sadness. Her eyes are the exact same as her fathers. I gulp and take my old phone out of my pocket. I pull up contacts, click on Hannah's face, put it on loudspeaker and sit out on the table.   
"We'll call her while I'm getting your food ready. Ok?" I pick her up and sit her in the high chair. At that moment Hannah picks up.  
"Hello Y/N?"  
"Hey Hannah. How are you?"  
"I'm good, you?"  
"Could be shitloads better."  
"I go to nana house?" Alyssa asks.  
"When?"   
"Now!"  
"After dinner." I correct the pouty 2 year old.   
"Uh... Don't see a problem. Do you want to come here for dinner? I'm making pizza."  
"Pizza pizza pizza!" Alyssa chirps.  
"Alright." I sigh. "Go and get a toy Alyssa I'll tidy this away and call the Uber. We'll see you in half an hour Hannah. Byeeee."  
"See you soon!"   
The line goes dead, and I put the pasta I had just cooked in the fridge. I call for an Uber, and the brush through my hair. I change into clean clothes, an old shirt of Dave's and my jeans. I spray on some deodorant and pull on my Primark converse and make sure Alyssa looks okay.  
"Alyssa, do you want to put on your dress?" She nods happily. I take her current clothes off and slide the pale pink fabric over her head. I zip up the back and brush through her hair. It's a struggle with her shoes, and eventually I let her choose. She slides on her wellies, grabs her teddy and we get into the Uber.   
"99 spruce road." I say to the Uber driver and we drive away. After about 20 minutes we pull up in front of her house. I notice a car outside that I'd not seen before, but brush it off as new neighbours. I pay the Uber driver, and walk up to the door. Before I even knock, the door swings open.   
"Nana!" Alyssa hugs her legs. "Nana up! Nana up!" Hannah laughs and picks Alyssa up, to sit on her hip.   
"Come on in, I will got someone round, do you mind?"   
"No, not at all." I smile.   
"Good." I follow Hannah into the living room where someone is sitting.   
"Who was at the door?" The voice I knew so well asked. I hold onto the back of a chair and breathe deeply.   
"My guests. I said there'd be people coming over."   
"Hannah." I hiss. "You agreed... Never to see him... I'm going to throw up."  
"I know. I'm sorry, but you need the help. You've not eaten for days, and I don't want to know what you've been smoking. Also, he's her FATHER. He has a right to know his daughter." She whispers. I hear him stand up and step closer.   
"Are you alright miss..." I hear him gasp and stumble backwards. "Y-Y/N?"  
"Dave, as much I appreciate the fact you remember my name I'm going to murder you if you step any closer to me." I slowly straighten up.   
"Ok, fair enough. Who's that then?" He points to Alyssa, sitting in Hannah's arms.  
"That's my daughter. Alyssa, come here sweetie." I hold out my arms for her.  
"No! I stay nana." I drop my arms.   
"She's fricken adorable! How old is she?"   
"2 and three quarters."   
"But..." He falls back, onto the sofa. "That means.. You cheated on me!" He leaps up angrily.  
"What? No! David Paul Brown! How fucking stupid are you?"  
"I'm smart enough to do maths. That equals out as 3 months before we broke up. You cheated on me!"  
"No! Use your fucking brain. If I didn't cheat....."  
"But that means.... But we always used a condom?!"  
"I know."   
"And you're sure?"   
"I'm sure. I knew before we broke up. I was going to tell you the same day you kicked me out."  
"Sorry. How are you anyway?" I laugh.  
"What do you think?" I gesture to my body. My ribs are sticking out, my hairs dry and over due a cut and a wash. There's bags under my eyes and my skins yellowing.  
"You look like shit. I can smell the weed. Also, is that my top?"  
"You cannot smell it, I don't smoke. And yes. It's yours. But you can't have it back."  
"Don't lie." I turn around and look at my daughter happily playing with Hannah. I sit cross legged beside her.   
"What have you got there?" I ask, pretending not to know.  
"Train! It's James!" She waves it in my face.  
"Cool! I like edward." Dave says crouching beside us.  
"Who are you?" Alyssa asks curiously.  
"That's your dad." I say grumpily.  
"Hello daddy! I like your hair!" She grins and hugs him.  
"Thank you! I like your dress!"  
"Thanks. Nana got it!"  
"Y/N? Can you give me a hand sorting these pizzas out?"  
"Sure." I scramble up and go into the kitchen.   
"Sorry. I want Dave to talk to her a bit. And I want to talk to you." She puts on oven gloves and pulls out 4 pizzas. "I'm going to beg you to move in with me or Dave. You're flat is mouldy, and damp, and falling apart. It's no place for Aly to grow up."   
"I know. Alyssa can move in with you."  
"So you'll move in with Dave?" She asks hopefully.  
"No. I'm staying in my flat." She pouts unhappily.  
"You're moving in with one of us."  
"Not just now."  
"We're going to get you off the weed. You can't do that while you're alone."  
"I know."  
"Move in. Please?"  
"I'll think about it."  
"Yay!"  
"That's not a yes."  
"It will be."  
"Do you want me to take those pizzas through?"  
"Sure." I grab the two pizzas and sat them on the dining table. She follows with the remaining two.   
"David? Aly? Come and get your food!" She calls, and I peer through the doorway. Dave is crouched beside her and she's showing him her teddy bear. He looks interested and whispers something to her. She gasps and cuddles the bear closer. She skips away to the dining room. He hopes up and strides after her. I join them in there and sit down. Dave sits beside me and Alyssa sits opposite, beside Hannah. We eat, and I distance myself from the conversation. I slowly chew on the pizza, longing to run back home, roll a joint and smoke it. Daves hand makes its way into mine, but I don't notice.   
Bite.  
Chew.  
Swallow.  
Bite.  
Chew.  
Swallow.  
"Mummy?" I grimace.  
"Yes?"   
"What's wrong?"   
"Nothing. Mummy wants to go home that's all. I'm tired."  
"Ok." She continues eating. Dave leans closer, squeezing my hand.  
"You're not going home tonight." I freeze.  
"What do you mean?" I ask carefully.  
"You're staying either at mine or here. 1 night, sleep in a comfy bed, in warm clothes. Have a proper shower and full meals. Please?"   
"I can't."  
"Please? Some of your stuff is still at mine. I couldn't get rid of it." He admitted embarrassed.   
"I-I need a joint." I admit.  
"Just tonight. For me. 1 night joint free. How it was before."   
"I-I..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk like cute shit probably trigger mentions of prostitution drug usage miscarriage and implied sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this is terrible idk who I am anymore

I sigh. "I'll come over. But I will need to smoke something. Allow me to buy something to fulfill my cravings."  
"Alright. I'll get you something later. Just eat for now." I nod and bite off some more pizza.  
Chew.  
Swallow.  
Bite.  
Chew.  
Swallow.  
I manage to eat a few slices of pizza, before pushing it away.  
"I can't eat anymore. I'm going to throw up." Hannah nods, but Dave looks at me worriedly. "It's because I've not eaten in a while, my body will want to reject it. It's normal, don't worry." I explain.  
"I wouldn't call that normal." He bit his lip. "We'll have to go soon Y/N. It's getting late."  
"Ok." I turn to Hannah. "Are you okay looking after Aly for tonight?" She nods. "You have her clothes and stuff?"   
"Yes. I have a key to yours anyway, I could just go and get stuff. Relax, have fun with Dave." She rolls her eyes.  
"Ok. Ok, ok, ok. I'm just a worried mama. Right, Aly, you're staying here tonight with nana. Can I have a cuddle before I go?" She gives me a hug, and I kiss her forehead. "Right, be good. I love you baby."  
"Love you mummy. Daddy going too?" I nod, and she struggles out of my arms, and hugs his legs.   
'pick her up' I mouth to him, and he does. She cuddles into his chest and kisses his chin. He laughs and holds her closer.   
"See? You like seeing them together. I knew you would." Hannah smiles.  
"I just don't want her to choose him over me." I say sadly.  
"She won't. Don't worry. Now, you have to go. I'll see you later?" I nod, and hug her.  
"Thank you Hannah." I whisper.  
"It's alright. Have fun!" She smiles and waves us out. As I climb into the passenger side of Dave's car, I look behind me to see Alyssa waving. I wave back, and blow her a kiss as Dave pulls out of the driveway.  
"Um, thank you. For having me tonight." I say quietly.  
"Ah, it's fine. I'm going to drop you off home, so you can shower, and I'll go and get you cigs and snacks and stuff. That's alright?"   
"Yes. Thank you." I look at my hands, wringing them in my lap.  
"You're so shy. I'm not going to hurt you." He sits a hand on my knee and I flinch.  
"I know. I just- it's been a long time, ya know? A lot has happened and you know none of it. And I guess it's not the same. Hell, the last time I saw you, you kicked me out!" He flinched.  
"I know. So tell me about it."  
"What?"   
"Tell me everything that's happened. From, I dunno. When you found out you were pregnant?"   
"Alright. Can we do this later though? We're nearly there."  
"Promise?" I nod. "Ok then. I'll see you later. Keys where it used to be. Just use what you want. I'll be back soon!"   
I jump out of the car. "Bye!" I shout and wave as he drives away. I walk to the door, and grab the key from underneath the cactus, and entered the familiar house. Everything was the same. I went upstairs, and saw my chest of drawers was still sitting there, and grabbed a t shirt, jeans and underwear from there. I grabbed a hoodie from Dave's wardrobe and set off to the bathroom. I took a clean towel off the shelf and turned on the shower. I undressed and stood under the hot water. I showered, enjoying the feeling of the water hitting my back. I towelled myself dry, and changed into the clothes I'd found. I brushed my hair, and pulled my hood up.   
I walked downstairs to the kitchen, where Dave was scrolling on his phone.  
"Hey Y/N. Nice shower?" I grin.  
"Absolutely amazing. You're the best."  
"Thanks." He laughed. "I got you an ecig, rather than cigarettes. I hope you don't mind, it's so you can smoke it in the house."   
"No, that's fine. Thank you. How much do I owe you?"   
"Nothing." I open my mouth to speak, but he holds up a finger to silence me. "It's a gift. Now, can you tell me what I've missed?"  
"I suppose so. Shall we sit somewhere more comfortable?"  
"Sure. Through here." We sit on his sofa, and I begin to tell him.  
"I first found out I was pregnant just after our anniversary. I was super excited, and also worried about what you would think. I was going to tell you moments before you kicked me out. I'd bought a boyinaband bib to tell you with, and then we split.

"I didn't know what to do, I'd revolved my life around you and the baby, and suddenly all I had was a fetus. I stayed with friends for a few days until they moved away, and I stayed here. Then I found my current flat. It was cheap, so cheap I could afford it while I was working at costa. You see, I'd given up YouTube since I'd gotten pregnant. I still don't have it now, but we'll get to that later.

"The first month alone was the worst. I was still getting morning sickness, my ankles were swelling and ...." I cut off sobbing. He cautiously hugs me against his chest. I leaned into him, and cry a little. When I'm stable I start again.  
"I've never told anyone this, so you can't say a word. I feel you deserve to know though. okay? In that month I was stressed and sad, and I couldn't afford anything... And I killed our baby!" I sob again, burrowing my face into his shirt.   
"You, but Alyssa is fine?" He says, confused.  
"I was going to have twins." I cry, and he rocks me against his body. "I killed one of our babies. Oh god, I... I killed them!" I sob heavily.   
"It's my fault. I shouldn't have left you." He hangs his head in shame.  
"That's not true. If you were unhappy then I wasn't going to hold you back. It was me." I hug Dave tightly, still crying. "After that month Hannah messaged me, wanting to meet up. We did, and we've been really close since. 

"In the 5th month I found out it was a girl, but I also lost my job. I hadn't a penny to my name, and Hannah paid my rent for a month or two until I could get a job. It was hard, nobody wanted me because I was so heavily pregnant. But eventually I got a job working in a bookshop. It paid enough. Just about. I had to take a few loans, which I'm still paying off.

"The 6th and 7th flew by, until mid 8th. They detected 'complications'" I made air quotes with my fingers. "Which could potentially kill me or the child during birth. I was extremely stressed, which is bad for the baby, which made me more stressed. Eventually they told me it was a false alarm and everything was fine. And finally, 4 weeks early, I went into labour. I was at Hannah's, you can still see the mark where my waters broke on the floor. Under the coffee tables left back leg. And suddenly I had Alyssa, and life was okay."

"That's so sweet. I wish I'd been there." Dave smiles.

"It all seems sweet so far but then I was told the bookshop I was working in closed down. So now I'm in the job I'm in now."  
"What's that then?" He asks innocently.  
"Prostitution." I hang my head in shame. "My boss is great, but the work is tedious. I also have to take different pills and stuff. It's tiring."  
"You.... You're a prostitue?" I nod. "Oh Y/N. It's all right. If you don't mind me asking though, what pills do you have to take?"  
"Plan B, one that sets off my hormones more and sometimes eccies."   
"Really?"   
"Really. I'm so bored of sex now. In the brothrel we're all single mums. Occasionally one of our baby daddy's walks in. We always cry."  
"I think I've been there before... Is it called miss milfshake?"  
"Yeah, we've had plenty of discussions about you, don't you worry. " I smile, and test my ecig. "Wait, this tastes good!"   
"Minty. I remembered your addiction to mint." He smiled crookedly.  
"Thanks. Anyway, after the Saturday shift one night we all had some Mandy. That's how I got addicted. So that adds to my costs, drugs and cigarettes to quench my thirsts. I've taken a 2 week holiday currently, to try to lower the amount I consume. Anyway.. then Alyssa turned 1. She could walk and talk and I was so proud of her, but I was always so sad when I looked at her. She has your eyes." I take another drag of my ecig. "Then she turned 2. She can nearly read. She loves story books and Japanese things, and nana. Nana is her favourite person ever. She adores her. She's the closest she's had to a dad so far I guess. Until now." I smile at dave, who is looking at me sadly.  
"I'm sorry. I should've been there while Alyssa grew up. I will be there now, I promise." I nod and hug him.  
"I need to go to bed soon, where shall I sleep?" I ask, yawning.  
"Um, we could set up the whole spare room or you can sleep with me."   
"Kay." I mumble, and wrap my arms around his neck. Slowly his hands raise, and cup my face gently. We both lean in and our lips meet. I turn slightly, making it easier to reach him. All too soon, he pulls away.  
"I-I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me-" I cut him off.  
"It's ok. I don't mind. I actually enjoyed it." I say shyly.   
"Then can I do it again?" I wrapped my fingers into his hair and brought his face close to mine.  
"Absolutely." He leaned down and kissed me, more passionate this time. He gently licked my bottom lip, and I granted him access. His tongue explored my mouth, until we had to pull away for air. "Tell me to stop if I go too far." I breathe and kiss him again. He makes a sound of acknowledgement, and kisses me back. I pull myself up and put my knees either side of his lap. I break the kiss for a second to remove his shirt and my hoodie. I go back to kissing him, rubbing my hands all over his chest, pushing him backwards until he's leaning back against the sofa fully.I begin to pull off my t-shirt.  
"Bedroom." He whispers, and we run up there. When we get in there we close the door and continue kissing on the bed. After time more clothes are removed and moans of pleasure fill the house.


End file.
